Perks of Crohn’s Disease

So, I’m taking a short break from my usual posts to insert this fun little “thing.” I wrote it a while ago and thought that it would provide a funny and positive outlook on a mainly annoying disease. So, here goes my top 10 (strangely, there are a lot) fabulous “perks” of Crohn’s Disease, along with my completely unnecessary (but also necessary) commentary:

1. I can swallow obscene numbers of pills at once with one sip of water. (Hey, I never said these things had to be good for me. 😆 )

2. I have at least 3 different types of alcohol wipes in my house at all times, no questions asked. (You’ve got to have some variety, okay! And yes, they ARE different! I do not care for your logic.)

3. I have A LOT of trust in my parents. You’ve gotta trust someone pretty strongly if you’re going to let them stab you with a needle that contains “chemicals of the unknown” that mess around with your immune system. (In all seriousness, having a chronic condition brings you a lot close to other people because there are things you kinda have to talk about together…)

4. It is so easy to get out of eating vegetables and other mysterious foods. Saying you can’t eat them (which is often true for most Crohn’s patients) or have a stomach ache (which sadly is also often true) lets you watch everyone else gnaw on some broccoli while you slurp up chocolate pudding.

5. I know my height to the nearest eighth of an inch, thanks to regular doctor’s appointments. (I am not 5’4. Not 5’4 and 1/2. I am exactly 5’4 and 7/8 (for now). And yes, it totally matters.

6. I get to pretend to be a cool-scientist-doctor-medical person with real cool-scientist-doctor-medical person stuff like vials of “mysterious” liquid. (It does end up going into me, but hey, I’ll take my 5 seconds of cool-scientists-medical person fame. And if there’s a stupid air bubble in the syringe, I get 5 minutes of fame! It might not be movie-star fame, but still, fame.)

7. My immune system is way cooler than your immune system. It got so bored of being normal that it decided to attack me instead. Looks like I was the lucky winner! (Along with millions of other people, but mine is definitely pretty cool the coolest.)

8. My house has it’s own pharmacy. I’m not just talking about a few pills here and there. We have pill bottles everywhere. And those cool little baggie things too. (If only we were as organized as a pharmacy…I doubt it will ever happen. 😆 )

9. I get paid to answer questions that aren’t even graded! A few years ago, I was in a study that paid you to answer questions about your health/medicine. I’m not saying that I did it for the money, but it was pretty awesome. 

10. This! Yes, I know that that is the cheesiest idea you have ever seen, but it’s true. Without Crohn’s, I wouldn’t have written this, and you wouldn’t have read it, and your life would have had this huge empty void in because of the absence of this blog. (You’re welcome). In all seriousness, Crohn’s has given me this platform that I can use to reach out to other people like you (yes, you there, with the face). 

Let me know if you liked my “list” and share some of you own “perks” of chronic illness! Now, about that chocolate pudding…