Plans are just plans

Yesterday was May 19th. It was also World IBD Day- a day when people try to show a little extra support for Crohn’s and Colitis. A day to reflect on how far research has come since last year, and how much farther we still have to go. But if World IBD Day was yesterday, why didn’t I write anything about the most important day for IBD awareness?!? Continue reading

Everybody has something

When we are struggling, it’s easy to be jealous of other people. We think of all the things we have to deal with that they don’t, and we want to be them. But what we don’t realize is that there is no perfect person. No one is living a life without some sort of suffering. Everyone has something going on that they wish would disappear.  Continue reading

Digesting The Spoon Theory

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The Spoon Theory. Maybe you’ve heard of it before. Maybe you’re wondering what crazy person would form a theory about spoons. Seriously, spoons? Salad tongs are so much more interesting. 

So what is the Spoon Theory, anyway? And why am I telling you about it? 

Sorry to disappoint you, but the Spoon Theory is not some secret silverware code. It really doesn’t have to do with spoons at all. 

It is simply a way for people with chronic illnesses to describe their complicated energy levels to “normal” people who are curious. It’s a metaphor that makes a lot more sense than anything I could think of. And if you ask me, it’s accurate. Well, kind of.  Continue reading

When the going gets tough

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“When the going gets tough, get tougher.”

You’ve probably heard this before. When you’re working out at the gym. Going on a really long run. Studying for a big test. Feeling really stressed out about everything going on around you. 

I think these words were designed to be a source of motivation to push through whatever struggles you are facing. But for me, they fall short.  Continue reading

Some things are nobody’s fault

you-151415_640People like to know all the answers. They like knowing the who, the what, the where, the when, the why, and the how about everything. They like when things make sense. 

And it’s fine to like these things. It’s fine to like knowing the answers, the who’s, the what’s, the where’s, the when’s, they why’s and the how’s. It’s fine to like it when everything makes sense. 

But the problem is, that as people, most of us get so used to having these things that we begin to expect them. Anytime something happens, we expect an explanation. An excuse. Some strand of logic that will make us understand exactly what’s happening and why.  Continue reading

To the people that can’t see me: understanding invisible illness

6025311011_fd55d6aa1b_bHi!

For those of you who don’t know, my name is Becky. I am 15 years old. I’m a freshman in high school. I play soccer. I like to write. And eat Chipotle. 

When people look at me, they see a teenager. A student. A friend. A sister. A daughter. A cousin. That annoying person who color codes their history notes. (Don’t worry; that was just a phase). 

But, none of those people really see me

Continue reading

New year, same disease.

Happy New Year, everyone! 

I expected to get this post up by January 1st (I didn’t). I expected to write about starting a new year with new goals in mind (I did…kinda?). A blank slate. A fresh start. 

But as I was writing, I realized that we can’t just put the past behind us and start each new year from ground zero. Sure, we can choose to let go of things we’re holding on to. Friends. Jobs. Ugly sweaters. Gum we’ve been chewing for way to long. Things that we control. But what about the things that hold on to us? What about the things that, no matter how hard we try and let go of, will never be gone? Snot. Clingy people. Feelings. And chronic illness. Things we can’t control. 
Continue reading

When your brain says yes, but your body says no.

6025311011_fd55d6aa1b_bLife wasn’t built for fatigue. It wasn’t built for side effects. It wasn’t built for people who need pills, and shots, and special diets just to be “normal.” To put it simply, life wasn’t built for people who are chronically ill. And living in a world where you want so badly to do all the “normal person” things, where you try so hard to keep up with everyone else, and where you smile and say you’d love to have plans even though you really want to take a 4-day nap becomes exhausting.

But for so many people, even worse is the feeling that they are weak because they sat out of that soccer practice. That they aren’t as capable because you rescheduled a math test to a time when they were only 43% zombie as opposed to 64%. That they are being a bad friend by declining an invitation to dinner.  Continue reading

15 things IBD has made me thankful for

turkey-1509892148jybI’ve tried to write this post for a long time. I tried to make it funny, but I ended up rambling about the inner workings of apple pie for 4 lines straight. I tried to make it short and to the point, but if I was any good at that, this whole paragraph wouldn’t exist. I even tried to write something in that cute-holiday-festive-pumpkin-spice-style that’s taken over Walgreens, but the cheese factor was starting to seriously mess with me. But then I realized that the problem wasn’t the way I was writing. The problem was I didn’t know what I wanted to say. Continue reading